Just so you don't think I'm the only crazy one in this house, here's some of the brain lint the chitlins and other household members come up with:
Katherine: When you see people with spoons, you start to wonder.
Alex: When I dye eggs today, I'm concerned they will turn the color of my hair.
Jen: If swimming is so good for you, why are whales so fat?
Smiley: If elevators when side to side, would they be called sideavators?
Logan: If you see an alligator with a knife, should you run?
Katherine: If a person falls through the floor and then lands on another person and then they both fall through the floor and land on a fork, has that ever happened?
Alex: When you land on rhinoceros, do think scream, or run, or none? Or do you think what the heck, I'll just die?
Jen: Is the guy who wrote the Tootsie Roll jingle a fecalfeliac?
Smiley: Don't eat the chocolate covered raisins the bunnies leave behind.
Logan: If Houses ruled the earth, would we all turn into houses?
Katherine: If the bunny on Hop lays watermelon flavored jelly beans, what does the chicken lay?
Alex: If the universe was a circle, what would the outer universe be? Floop swirled?
This is what I live with, people.... You see how they encourage me? Enable me? Make me worse? Make me giggle incessantly? I love you guys.....
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Random Thoughts and Other Things To Make Your Brain Fart
The title was Alex's suggestion.
So, it's another installation of random thoughts.... Or as I like to view it, small windows into my brain (they have to be small, or people would run away screaming).
Random Thought #1: When they say "They say", who is "they"? Do I know They? Am I They? Oh no!!!!!!
Random Thought #2: Juice! (Courtesy of Alex)
Random Thought #3: What if illness is caused by microscopic aliens? Would medicine then be considered an intergalactic war?
Random Thought #4: Does grey hair happen when the follicle says, "Ah, fuck it."?
Random Thought #5: I need a furry wall!!!!!!
Random Thought #6: If monkeys ruled the world, would we say hello by flinging poo?
Random Thought #7: When will the makers of the Wii make a Wii Fat instead of a Wii Fit for people who just like to sit around?
Random Thought #8: There's a hole in my inter-net!!!!
Random Thought #9: If zebra's ruled the earth, would we turn striped? (Courtesy of Alex)
Random Thought #10: I wish my house were made of coffee beans. Cuz when it rained, I would put buckets under the gutter spouts and sell the runoff like I was Starbucks. Plus then I could lick my house and people wouldn't look at me funny anymore.
Random Thought #11: We've all heard the theory of sticking a million monkeys in a room with a typewriter and them coming up with Shakespeare.... How many cats do you think you'd have stick in a room with a typewriter to come up with the Meow Mix song?
Random Thought #12: If Harley took over the world, do you think he'd let me rule by his side, or would he lock me in a dungeon? What would his first world change be? Would all food be required to be covered in gravy? Would he complain that the water in the ocean wasn't "fresh enough"?
Random Thought #13: And as it's Easter weekend: Do rabbits wear fake bunny ears on Easter? How long do you think it would take me to put fake bunny ears on all of the squirrels in the city? If I succeeded in putting fake bunny ears on all of the squirrels in the city, would people think it was awesome, or would they lock me up? How many people do you think could get to join me in dying Easter squirrels? Wouldn't Easter squirrels be festive? I like squirrels....
So, it's another installation of random thoughts.... Or as I like to view it, small windows into my brain (they have to be small, or people would run away screaming).
Random Thought #1: When they say "They say", who is "they"? Do I know They? Am I They? Oh no!!!!!!
Random Thought #2: Juice! (Courtesy of Alex)
Random Thought #3: What if illness is caused by microscopic aliens? Would medicine then be considered an intergalactic war?
Random Thought #4: Does grey hair happen when the follicle says, "Ah, fuck it."?
Random Thought #5: I need a furry wall!!!!!!
Random Thought #6: If monkeys ruled the world, would we say hello by flinging poo?
Random Thought #7: When will the makers of the Wii make a Wii Fat instead of a Wii Fit for people who just like to sit around?
Random Thought #8: There's a hole in my inter-net!!!!
Random Thought #9: If zebra's ruled the earth, would we turn striped? (Courtesy of Alex)
Random Thought #10: I wish my house were made of coffee beans. Cuz when it rained, I would put buckets under the gutter spouts and sell the runoff like I was Starbucks. Plus then I could lick my house and people wouldn't look at me funny anymore.
Random Thought #11: We've all heard the theory of sticking a million monkeys in a room with a typewriter and them coming up with Shakespeare.... How many cats do you think you'd have stick in a room with a typewriter to come up with the Meow Mix song?
Random Thought #12: If Harley took over the world, do you think he'd let me rule by his side, or would he lock me in a dungeon? What would his first world change be? Would all food be required to be covered in gravy? Would he complain that the water in the ocean wasn't "fresh enough"?
Random Thought #13: And as it's Easter weekend: Do rabbits wear fake bunny ears on Easter? How long do you think it would take me to put fake bunny ears on all of the squirrels in the city? If I succeeded in putting fake bunny ears on all of the squirrels in the city, would people think it was awesome, or would they lock me up? How many people do you think could get to join me in dying Easter squirrels? Wouldn't Easter squirrels be festive? I like squirrels....
Sunday, March 6, 2011
Blame it on the girls
So yesterday, I thought it would be fun to take the girls up to GB for a bridal show. The show was a bust, but before we left town, I suggested to the girls that we stop at a bridal shop so they could look at dresses to see what kind of style they might like.
They both found a dress and (can you believe it?) agreed on one style. At the same time, I was looking at the bridal book and found a dress that I kinda liked. Turns out the dress was very similar to the bridesmaid dresses the girls liked.
And then the dangerous thing happened.... After I got the girls to try on the dress and they both agreed they loved it, the girls convinced me to try on dresses myself.
Now, trying to keep the wedding budget low, I hadn't planned on an actual wedding dress. Thought I'd just find a nicer dress to wear that was white-ish.
So the consultant shows me a dress that was kind of informal and was the type of fabric I was sort of looking for. Says she just wants to 'size me'. She grabs the sizing dress and the dress I was looking at and we head for the dressing room.
I try on the sizing dress and it's a really good fit. It's a strapless number with a chiffon overlay and a black sash around the midsection with some rhinestone embellishments. It's nice, and the girls love it, but I'm not sold. Being a bigger gal, I don't think strapless looks good on me.
We take off the sizing dress and the consultant puts the other dress on me. I come out of the dressing room and look in the mirror. I'm like "uh oh". The girls, however, aren't sold. Then, the brilliant consultant grabs a sash accessory (complete with rhinestone bling) that looks almost like the attached sash from the sizing dress and throws it around my waist.
Suddenly, the girls are like "Yah!" And they love it. And (gulp) so do I. The consultant starts throwing around words like "six month interest free financing" and "we can order this in white" (the sample was in ivory). And all I can think of is "Shit." I never thought loving a dress could feel so bad.
I turn and look at the consultant and say, "Get this dress off me. Now I'm going to have to convince my fiance that we can skip something else in the budget (like food). If I don't take this dress off right now, it's gonna be a situation of "No need to wrap it, I'll just wear it out.""
*sigh* Before yesterday, I didn't care if I got married in a t-shirt and jeans. Now I have to have THAT dress. Ugh... Why, of all things, must wedding dresses be my weakness?
That reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of Friends. Go ahead, click on the hyperlink. I promise there's no Ross involved.
They both found a dress and (can you believe it?) agreed on one style. At the same time, I was looking at the bridal book and found a dress that I kinda liked. Turns out the dress was very similar to the bridesmaid dresses the girls liked.
And then the dangerous thing happened.... After I got the girls to try on the dress and they both agreed they loved it, the girls convinced me to try on dresses myself.
Now, trying to keep the wedding budget low, I hadn't planned on an actual wedding dress. Thought I'd just find a nicer dress to wear that was white-ish.
So the consultant shows me a dress that was kind of informal and was the type of fabric I was sort of looking for. Says she just wants to 'size me'. She grabs the sizing dress and the dress I was looking at and we head for the dressing room.
I try on the sizing dress and it's a really good fit. It's a strapless number with a chiffon overlay and a black sash around the midsection with some rhinestone embellishments. It's nice, and the girls love it, but I'm not sold. Being a bigger gal, I don't think strapless looks good on me.
We take off the sizing dress and the consultant puts the other dress on me. I come out of the dressing room and look in the mirror. I'm like "uh oh". The girls, however, aren't sold. Then, the brilliant consultant grabs a sash accessory (complete with rhinestone bling) that looks almost like the attached sash from the sizing dress and throws it around my waist.
Suddenly, the girls are like "Yah!" And they love it. And (gulp) so do I. The consultant starts throwing around words like "six month interest free financing" and "we can order this in white" (the sample was in ivory). And all I can think of is "Shit." I never thought loving a dress could feel so bad.
I turn and look at the consultant and say, "Get this dress off me. Now I'm going to have to convince my fiance that we can skip something else in the budget (like food). If I don't take this dress off right now, it's gonna be a situation of "No need to wrap it, I'll just wear it out.""
*sigh* Before yesterday, I didn't care if I got married in a t-shirt and jeans. Now I have to have THAT dress. Ugh... Why, of all things, must wedding dresses be my weakness?
That reminds me of one of my favorite episodes of Friends. Go ahead, click on the hyperlink. I promise there's no Ross involved.
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Peanut Butter Frosting
Tee hee. My ex-husband is emailing me, asking for my peanut butter frosting ingredients. I reply back with the list of ingredients. He asks for amounts. Silly boy. There aren't any.
You see, there's a special trick to making my peanut butter frosting. I even I don't know what it is. All of the amounts of the ingredients are eyeballed. Every time. And it always turns out light and fluffy.
I even gave my mom (who I got the original recipe from, mind you) the recipe once (with an approximation of ingredient amounts) and she couldn't duplicate it. I walked her through it, step by step, on exactly what I do at each point and she couldn't do it right.
Now, when my mom wants peanut butter frosting (which is delicious, if you haven't tried it), she asks me to come over and make it.
For anyone willing to try, here's the recipe. Good luck!
Take a dollop of creamy peanut butter (no more than 1/2 cup) and add about 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract and about 1/2 cup butter (one stick)(I suggest using real butter, not margarine or spread). Cream together until smooth. Add powdered sugar (start with a cup and keep adding until thick). Add a dash of milk. Whip at high speed and alternate powdered sugar and milk until the right consistency (light and fluffy).
Hint: I don't think you can make this by hand. I use my mixmaster to do it. I'm not even sure a hand mixer will do it right.
You see, there's a special trick to making my peanut butter frosting. I even I don't know what it is. All of the amounts of the ingredients are eyeballed. Every time. And it always turns out light and fluffy.
I even gave my mom (who I got the original recipe from, mind you) the recipe once (with an approximation of ingredient amounts) and she couldn't duplicate it. I walked her through it, step by step, on exactly what I do at each point and she couldn't do it right.
Now, when my mom wants peanut butter frosting (which is delicious, if you haven't tried it), she asks me to come over and make it.
For anyone willing to try, here's the recipe. Good luck!
Take a dollop of creamy peanut butter (no more than 1/2 cup) and add about 1/2 to 3/4 teaspoon vanilla extract and about 1/2 cup butter (one stick)(I suggest using real butter, not margarine or spread). Cream together until smooth. Add powdered sugar (start with a cup and keep adding until thick). Add a dash of milk. Whip at high speed and alternate powdered sugar and milk until the right consistency (light and fluffy).
Hint: I don't think you can make this by hand. I use my mixmaster to do it. I'm not even sure a hand mixer will do it right.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
And the Answer is....
Okay, so today I'm driving to work and I get behind this vehicle with a bumper sticker I can't quite read. Well, I can read one part and it says, in large letters, "Jesus". I can see there's writing underneath it, but without kissing the bumper, I can't read it. So, of course, my brain starts running with it.
First, I notice the font on "Jesus" looks kinda like what you would see on a comic book cover. So I start thinking, is Jesus a Superhero? I mean, technically, you could say he has Superpowers.... Like walking on water, healing the lame, rising from the dead, etc., etc., etc. But what would Jesus's alter ego be? Or would Jesus just be like an X-Man with no alter ego? Would Jesus wear a spandex suit? I don't think so.
Next, I notice that there's these mounts on the top of the vehicle. I'm not quite sure what they're for, but from the right angle, they look almost like the car has horns. On a vehicle with a Jesus bumper sticker, I find this hilarious.
So then, I decide I HAVE to know what's written under Jesus. I decide to speed up and slowly pass the vehicle so I can get a closer look. I find it says "is the Answer."
To which my brain says, "Well, I guess that would all depend on what the question was." I mean, if the question is "What tastes best deep fried on a stick?" I'm thinking Jesus isn't the answer. At that point, cheese or hot dogs would be the Answer. Is the question, "What should I wear today?" Jesus. See? It doesn't work. So what's the question?
By the time I finally pass the vehicle, I'm giggling so hard, the guy in the vehicle gives me a really funny look. But that's okay, I know I'm going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks. I mean, come on... The visual of Jesus in a spandex suit with a giant J on the front is funny.
First, I notice the font on "Jesus" looks kinda like what you would see on a comic book cover. So I start thinking, is Jesus a Superhero? I mean, technically, you could say he has Superpowers.... Like walking on water, healing the lame, rising from the dead, etc., etc., etc. But what would Jesus's alter ego be? Or would Jesus just be like an X-Man with no alter ego? Would Jesus wear a spandex suit? I don't think so.
Next, I notice that there's these mounts on the top of the vehicle. I'm not quite sure what they're for, but from the right angle, they look almost like the car has horns. On a vehicle with a Jesus bumper sticker, I find this hilarious.
So then, I decide I HAVE to know what's written under Jesus. I decide to speed up and slowly pass the vehicle so I can get a closer look. I find it says "is the Answer."
To which my brain says, "Well, I guess that would all depend on what the question was." I mean, if the question is "What tastes best deep fried on a stick?" I'm thinking Jesus isn't the answer. At that point, cheese or hot dogs would be the Answer. Is the question, "What should I wear today?" Jesus. See? It doesn't work. So what's the question?
By the time I finally pass the vehicle, I'm giggling so hard, the guy in the vehicle gives me a really funny look. But that's okay, I know I'm going to H-E-double-hockey-sticks. I mean, come on... The visual of Jesus in a spandex suit with a giant J on the front is funny.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Wedding Bells Are Ringing
That's right. I'm engaged. Again. Boy, I must be a glutton for punishment.
Actually, my fiance, Smiley, is pretty nifty. Of course, I'm a bit biased.
So now, Miss I-Don't-Ever-Want-To-Think-About-Getting-Married-Ever-Again (me) is going nutso. I mean, once I actually accepted the fact that I agreed to take the plunge for the third (yes, third) time, I've kind of been getting into it.
Especially the dresses.
When I was a teenager (or maybe even younger), my friends and I would go to the local Deb store (especially around prom time) and try on the fancy dresses. What the heck - it was free and drove the salespeople crazy. Whee!
So I guess I've always been a glutton for fancy fru-fru dresses. Which, if you would know me only on an exterior level, you probably wouldn't guess. I'm normally dressed in jeans and leathers.
*sigh* Maybe I'll convince the girls to go dress window shopping this weekend. Oh the horror!
Actually, my fiance, Smiley, is pretty nifty. Of course, I'm a bit biased.
So now, Miss I-Don't-Ever-Want-To-Think-About-Getting-Married-Ever-Again (me) is going nutso. I mean, once I actually accepted the fact that I agreed to take the plunge for the third (yes, third) time, I've kind of been getting into it.
Especially the dresses.
When I was a teenager (or maybe even younger), my friends and I would go to the local Deb store (especially around prom time) and try on the fancy dresses. What the heck - it was free and drove the salespeople crazy. Whee!
So I guess I've always been a glutton for fancy fru-fru dresses. Which, if you would know me only on an exterior level, you probably wouldn't guess. I'm normally dressed in jeans and leathers.
*sigh* Maybe I'll convince the girls to go dress window shopping this weekend. Oh the horror!
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Welcome Back, Kotter
Wow. It's been almost a full year since I last posted. So much has happened since then.
Let's see... I still have the same job (a stress-filled job requiring an hour and a half commute each way yet somehow fulfills me). My commitment-phobic boyfriend asked me to marry him (I, surprisingly, said yes) (I say "surprisingly" cuz I've become commitment-phobic myself in my old age). My dear, beloved father unexpectedly passed away about a month ago. I'm still the same old crazy (or as my father would have said, "unique") gal I've always been.
Hmmmm. What a waste of a year, eh?
Actually, aside from losing my father, it really hasn't been too bad of a year. Work sent me to first New York and then LA. (I didn't much care for either.). Smiley's kids are really enjoying calling me "Mom" since the engagement. Got a new car (Dodge Caliber - I highly recommend them) after my wonderful Saturn took a crapper after eight long, wonderful years of service (yes, I cried when I traded it in). Got another tattoo started (about 1/3 done currently) that is literally a piece of art. Went from second shift at work to first shift.
Ummm... What else? Seems like more should have happened in a year. Oh well.
I must say, I just re-read my entire blog and was saddened to see it didn't take me more than a few hours. I need to start posting again. Will do.
Well, this was just a catch-me-up post. I'll write something amusing next time. Promise. Hope everyone is well. Later!
Let's see... I still have the same job (a stress-filled job requiring an hour and a half commute each way yet somehow fulfills me). My commitment-phobic boyfriend asked me to marry him (I, surprisingly, said yes) (I say "surprisingly" cuz I've become commitment-phobic myself in my old age). My dear, beloved father unexpectedly passed away about a month ago. I'm still the same old crazy (or as my father would have said, "unique") gal I've always been.
Hmmmm. What a waste of a year, eh?
Actually, aside from losing my father, it really hasn't been too bad of a year. Work sent me to first New York and then LA. (I didn't much care for either.). Smiley's kids are really enjoying calling me "Mom" since the engagement. Got a new car (Dodge Caliber - I highly recommend them) after my wonderful Saturn took a crapper after eight long, wonderful years of service (yes, I cried when I traded it in). Got another tattoo started (about 1/3 done currently) that is literally a piece of art. Went from second shift at work to first shift.
Ummm... What else? Seems like more should have happened in a year. Oh well.
I must say, I just re-read my entire blog and was saddened to see it didn't take me more than a few hours. I need to start posting again. Will do.
Well, this was just a catch-me-up post. I'll write something amusing next time. Promise. Hope everyone is well. Later!
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