I'm still alive. I swear I am. Perhaps that's why I'm in so much pain - to remind me that I am, indeed, alive.
I started my new job last week. It's difficult adjusting to the hours. Not just a 40 hour work week (that I haven't done in months, unfortunately), but starting at a job that I have to drive almost an hour to and starts at 7 in the morning. Pleh.
BUT, I love my job, and the people there are great. Makes it a heck of a lot easier to get up in the morning. Well, if it wasn't for all of the pain, that is. The actual waking up bit, though, is easier because I'm happy.
I have a blog post that I've been slowly working on (no, it's not that great, I've just been working on it when I have a minute here and there... don't get any hopes up), and I'll see when I can get that finished. In the meantime, I'll check in when I can.
Later all!
Monday, August 27, 2007
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Lost and Not Found
So, I wasn't gonna post this story, but Strings has persuaded me to share. Here's my disclaimer: If you're overly sensitive, don't like talking about ... um... female issues, or if the word "tampon" makes you run for the hills, don't read this post. If you don't heed my warning and read anyway, hey... it's on you.
*********************************
Those who know me well know that I have a condition commonly referred to as PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Due to this condition, I have infrequent periods - usually none at all without being induced via medication. Anyway, recently I began a very light period (or spotting - hard to say which). Being the modern woman that I am, I use tampons.
The problem began the morning after my "period" started.
Me: Honey?
Hubby: Yes dear.
Me: Can you come in the bathroom, please?
Hubby enters as I'm standing there, naked from the waist down with a slightly disconcerted look on my face. He closes the door behind him.
Me: I need you to look for something.
Hubby (confused): Okay? What?
Me: Um..... my tampon.
Hubby pauses for a moment to consider this.
Hubby: What do you mean?
Me: My tampon... I ... uh.... can't find it.
Hubby briefly looks around the bathroom for my box of tampons which is sitting on the toilet tank right behind me. I see the confusion on his face.
Me: Down here. (I point to my exposed nether regions)
Hubby pauses again. Then, quickly and, might I say, rather unceremoniously jams a finger into my hoo-hoo (ah, yes... the technical term) and begins to feel around. After fishing about for a bit (no, that's not a pun), he retracts the finger and says, "I can't find anything. Sorry."
Me: Shit.
Hubby suggests I call my ob/gyn. I tell ob/gyn nurse that, well, I went to bed wearing a tampon and now I can't find it. Ob/gyn nurse asks if we looked in the bed. "Yes." I tell her aloud while thinking to myself, "I ripped the damn bed and surrounding area apart. Does she really think I felt like calling someone to announce that my hoo-hoo likes to eat string-laded cotton balls without checking into other possibilities first?"
Ob/gyn nurse says I'll need to see a doc. My doc's not in that day.... Other doc could see me later that afternoon, but I have other appointments elsewhere. Ob/gyn nurse tells me to go to the local walk-in clinic. I hang up the phone and find hubby and tell him we need to go to the walk-in. He drops me off after I tell him I don't necessarily need him there with me. Doctors searching for a tampon in my hoo-hoo like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade does not require spousal assistance.
I walk up to the registration desk. I give all of the usual info... name, date of birth, insurance info. Reg nurse asks, "And what are you being seen for today?"
I look at her, straight-faced, and say, "Well, I went to bed last night with a tampon and this morning.... Not so much."
The look on the reg nurse's face is priceless. Somehow, she manages to maintain professionalism.... But you can see, she's definitely laughing... hysterically, I might add.... on the inside.
Reg Nurse: Um.....
I crack a smile
Reg Nurse: I don't know how to put that down.
Me: How 'bout "Lost Tampon"?
I burst into a giggle fit. Reg Nurse realizes it's okay to giggle. She does. A lot. She manages to get it together and finally tells me I can have a seat.
I look at the board of doctors working the walk-in. There's only one. And it's the one doctor I hate. No sense of humor (generally speaking) and condescending as hell. Looks at you like you're evil incarnate when you tell him you're not ready to quit smoking and then gives you The Speech. Ah well.
My name is called a few minutes later and I look up to see someone I recognize. Great. The nurse is a gal hubby knows. She's bound to remember me since hubby was just in the previous week.
Nurse brings me in and gives me the usual once over (weight, bp, pulse, temp). She looks at me straight-faced (like she didn't read the chart.... riiiiiiiiiiight) and asks me what brings me in.
Me: I went to bed with a tampon and woke up without one.
I swear I see her bite her lip in restraint.
Me: I even had hubby look for it. No luck.
Oh, let's see how professional she can be.....
Me: Couldn't find it. He suggested putting duct tape on things and inserting them to see if the tampon would stick.
I can't help it.... Even I burst into hysterics. Nurse joins me. After another minute or two of snide banter and giggling, Nurse's face gets serious. She pauses. She says, "You know, I'm a woman and I don't even know what I would do." More giggling ensues.
Nurse: Well, at least you can laugh about it. The doctor should be in shortly.
I'm left to sit giggling by myself. I get into the oh-so-fashionable paper-wear that you get in doctors' offices and plop myself on the exam table. Doc knocks and comes in. He's already smirking. Must be a good day.
Doc looks at the chart and says, "What seems to be the problem?"
Me: Well, I went to bed wearing a tampon and this morning... Well, I seem to have lost it."
Doc: It's not exactly like losing your keys, is it?
Me: I sure hope not. If I lost my keys up there, I've got a real problem.
(the giggling starts)
Me: It's not as though I've got an ignition in my hoo-hoo.
Doc: Well..... *snicker*.... I'm not gonna touch that one.
We're all laughing heartily as he tells me to saddle up. He checks. It feels like my hoo-hoo is Shea Stadium, that's how many lights are in and around there. Finally, he looks up and says, "Sorry. I can't find anything."
I look at him... (what do you say at this point?) "Well, uh, thanks for looking."
Doc leaves and I get dressed and walk out to wait for my hubby. Hubby gets there and says, "Well?"
Me: Couldn't find it.
Hubby: So now what?
Me: I guess we assume it fell out or something.
Hubby: Yah know, there's still the duct tape or chewing gum option....
Nice.
*********************************
Those who know me well know that I have a condition commonly referred to as PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome). Due to this condition, I have infrequent periods - usually none at all without being induced via medication. Anyway, recently I began a very light period (or spotting - hard to say which). Being the modern woman that I am, I use tampons.
The problem began the morning after my "period" started.
Me: Honey?
Hubby: Yes dear.
Me: Can you come in the bathroom, please?
Hubby enters as I'm standing there, naked from the waist down with a slightly disconcerted look on my face. He closes the door behind him.
Me: I need you to look for something.
Hubby (confused): Okay? What?
Me: Um..... my tampon.
Hubby pauses for a moment to consider this.
Hubby: What do you mean?
Me: My tampon... I ... uh.... can't find it.
Hubby briefly looks around the bathroom for my box of tampons which is sitting on the toilet tank right behind me. I see the confusion on his face.
Me: Down here. (I point to my exposed nether regions)
Hubby pauses again. Then, quickly and, might I say, rather unceremoniously jams a finger into my hoo-hoo (ah, yes... the technical term) and begins to feel around. After fishing about for a bit (no, that's not a pun), he retracts the finger and says, "I can't find anything. Sorry."
Me: Shit.
Hubby suggests I call my ob/gyn. I tell ob/gyn nurse that, well, I went to bed wearing a tampon and now I can't find it. Ob/gyn nurse asks if we looked in the bed. "Yes." I tell her aloud while thinking to myself, "I ripped the damn bed and surrounding area apart. Does she really think I felt like calling someone to announce that my hoo-hoo likes to eat string-laded cotton balls without checking into other possibilities first?"
Ob/gyn nurse says I'll need to see a doc. My doc's not in that day.... Other doc could see me later that afternoon, but I have other appointments elsewhere. Ob/gyn nurse tells me to go to the local walk-in clinic. I hang up the phone and find hubby and tell him we need to go to the walk-in. He drops me off after I tell him I don't necessarily need him there with me. Doctors searching for a tampon in my hoo-hoo like Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade does not require spousal assistance.
I walk up to the registration desk. I give all of the usual info... name, date of birth, insurance info. Reg nurse asks, "And what are you being seen for today?"
I look at her, straight-faced, and say, "Well, I went to bed last night with a tampon and this morning.... Not so much."
The look on the reg nurse's face is priceless. Somehow, she manages to maintain professionalism.... But you can see, she's definitely laughing... hysterically, I might add.... on the inside.
Reg Nurse: Um.....
I crack a smile
Reg Nurse: I don't know how to put that down.
Me: How 'bout "Lost Tampon"?
I burst into a giggle fit. Reg Nurse realizes it's okay to giggle. She does. A lot. She manages to get it together and finally tells me I can have a seat.
I look at the board of doctors working the walk-in. There's only one. And it's the one doctor I hate. No sense of humor (generally speaking) and condescending as hell. Looks at you like you're evil incarnate when you tell him you're not ready to quit smoking and then gives you The Speech. Ah well.
My name is called a few minutes later and I look up to see someone I recognize. Great. The nurse is a gal hubby knows. She's bound to remember me since hubby was just in the previous week.
Nurse brings me in and gives me the usual once over (weight, bp, pulse, temp). She looks at me straight-faced (like she didn't read the chart.... riiiiiiiiiiight) and asks me what brings me in.
Me: I went to bed with a tampon and woke up without one.
I swear I see her bite her lip in restraint.
Me: I even had hubby look for it. No luck.
Oh, let's see how professional she can be.....
Me: Couldn't find it. He suggested putting duct tape on things and inserting them to see if the tampon would stick.
I can't help it.... Even I burst into hysterics. Nurse joins me. After another minute or two of snide banter and giggling, Nurse's face gets serious. She pauses. She says, "You know, I'm a woman and I don't even know what I would do." More giggling ensues.
Nurse: Well, at least you can laugh about it. The doctor should be in shortly.
I'm left to sit giggling by myself. I get into the oh-so-fashionable paper-wear that you get in doctors' offices and plop myself on the exam table. Doc knocks and comes in. He's already smirking. Must be a good day.
Doc looks at the chart and says, "What seems to be the problem?"
Me: Well, I went to bed wearing a tampon and this morning... Well, I seem to have lost it."
Doc: It's not exactly like losing your keys, is it?
Me: I sure hope not. If I lost my keys up there, I've got a real problem.
(the giggling starts)
Me: It's not as though I've got an ignition in my hoo-hoo.
Doc: Well..... *snicker*.... I'm not gonna touch that one.
We're all laughing heartily as he tells me to saddle up. He checks. It feels like my hoo-hoo is Shea Stadium, that's how many lights are in and around there. Finally, he looks up and says, "Sorry. I can't find anything."
I look at him... (what do you say at this point?) "Well, uh, thanks for looking."
Doc leaves and I get dressed and walk out to wait for my hubby. Hubby gets there and says, "Well?"
Me: Couldn't find it.
Hubby: So now what?
Me: I guess we assume it fell out or something.
Hubby: Yah know, there's still the duct tape or chewing gum option....
Nice.
Wednesday, August 8, 2007
Good News!
It's official! I got hired on by the company I was working for as a temp! Really excellent benefits - good insurance, education reimbursement, freakin' awesome 401(k) plan, even adoption assistance.
Happy happy happy. Oh yah, and I love my job, too! Happy happy happy.
Happy happy happy. Oh yah, and I love my job, too! Happy happy happy.
Weird Al
So a week and a half ago I (with Spoon and Tinker) go to the Weird Al concert here in Wisconsin. It was awesome. I totally geeked out on Al when I got a chance to meet him (aka get his signature). By geeked out, I mean, speechless, jaw moving up and down, rest of my body frozen. I may even have drooled a little.
The thing is, I think Weird Al Yankovic is totally sexy. And of course, ever since then, Tinker and Spoon have been teasing me about "The Red Suit" - one of Al's outfits for his very seductive song, "Wanna B UR Lovr." This teasing, of course, had already started on the way home from the concert, which resulted in a few occasions of me almost driving off of the road. (Getting a fixed, blank stare and drooling is not recommended when driving, by the way.)
So for the last week and a half, I've had that song running through my head. And daydreaming a lot.
Bottom line, if I ever start rambling, I guess the best way to get me to stop is to say, "Red Suit." hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. *drool*
The thing is, I think Weird Al Yankovic is totally sexy. And of course, ever since then, Tinker and Spoon have been teasing me about "The Red Suit" - one of Al's outfits for his very seductive song, "Wanna B UR Lovr." This teasing, of course, had already started on the way home from the concert, which resulted in a few occasions of me almost driving off of the road. (Getting a fixed, blank stare and drooling is not recommended when driving, by the way.)
So for the last week and a half, I've had that song running through my head. And daydreaming a lot.
Bottom line, if I ever start rambling, I guess the best way to get me to stop is to say, "Red Suit." hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. *drool*
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Ink Blot Personality Test
| ||||||||
I completely refute everything stated here except the last bit. *snicker*
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
