It All Started With An Ad for Christian Mingle

I'm a fan of the phrase "Once a cheater, always a cheater." When my friends say "I'm thinking of getting back together with [insert random cheater's name here]." that's the phrase that, at the very least, pops into my head (most of the time, it comes out of my mouth as well).

Today, however, I was brought back to one of my own No-So-Proud moments.... I saw an ad for Christian Mingle - you know, some I'm-Hot-But-Not-In-An-Unattainable-Way guy looking for some secular lovin'. And no, I wasn't searching for that sort of thing... Unless my email knows something I don't know...

Anyway... I considered that I thought this gentleman (I'm assuming, of course) looked like an ex of mine. Mind you, I think this same thing every time I see this same ad. However, today, it brought to mind some things from my past. You see, well, "Hello. My name is Rayanna Deerfox. And I'm a cheater." Everyone, say hello....

Now, before you get all "Oh, Ray, I'm so SHOCKED!" on me, let me explain.... What I consider to be cheating is not often what others would consider cheating, so.... In my particular circumstance, I was split up from my husband, but we weren't officially divorced, when a friend of his - a man, mind you, that I had.. well... wanted... since the day I had met him (but never so much as breathed that fact to anyone, of course) - made a move on me. Now, considering I had lusted for this man (okay, sometimes you have to call a spade a spade) since the moment I laid eyes on him, I was shocked. Pleased, confused, and, yes, guilty. I'm not exactly proud of what I did for the next several months... sneaking around behind our friends backs and things... but regret it? No. Guilty, yes. Regret, never.

Anyway, that affair ended when I eventually met someone special (let's face it... the man in the previous paragraph was not the love of my life). I since wondered, though, whether I had broken my own moral code. Was I now, in fact, "always a cheater"? Considering my feelings on the topic, well...

Flash forward a few years to an evening when my man and I had a pretty bad fight. So bad, in fact, that I decided to have a night on the town... Out of town... With my male friend (an ex-boyfriend)(the guy who looks like the Christian Mingle ad dude)(and who still was able to, well, make me consider carnal needs...). I found out that evening what a good friend this man was. I got a tad tipsy and, living out of town, my friend offered to let me stay on his couch. The more drinks I had, the more flirtatious I was. Until I finally considered the possibility of... making a move on my ex. My friend graciously made no effort to encourage (or discourage, mind you) my flirtations, which brought me to a sobering point of, "what the **** am I doing?!?". I realized, in that moment, that I was not, in fact, "always a cheater". And my male friend was an awesome guy who let me come to that conclusion on my own without making me feel bad about it. Later, I realized, even if I had tried to "make a move", nothing would have happened - my friend is not That Guy. But he let me realize that I wasn't That Girl and that things, eventually, would work out with my beau and regret is something I try to live without.

Today, I look back at the months I spent with That Guy and smile fondly. I still feel a tad guilty, but I don't regret it at all. (*sigh* You wouldn't either...) And looking back on that one drunken evening, I feel like I dodged a bullet, but proved to myself who I WASN'T.

Do you think if I texted my friend, he would understand when I said, "Thank you, Christian Mingle Guy."? Maybe not, but I bet he'd be amused anyway...

Now, to think of something MUCH more amusing to post about next time....

Dueces!!!