You know how people always say you turn into your parents? Well, I seem to be skipping a generation. I never really feared turning into my parents cuz I always thought they were pretty nifty (in their own right). However, the older I get, the more I realize I'm turning, not into my mother, but my grandmother.
What makes this worse is that while my grandmother was alive.... I didn't think she was a very good person. However, what I realize now is that there were things about my grandmother that I didn't understand then because I wasn't old enough to.
The thing that bothered me most about my grandmother was how she treated the grandchildren of her husband, my (technically) step-grandfather. You see, my grandfather passed away before I was born. My grandmother remarried a wonderful man who had children and grandchildren of his own. So although technically my mother was an only child, I have lots of cousins on my mother's side. One of which is my own age.
When it came to gift giving in my grandmother's household, there was definitely a distinction on whose child or grandchild the recipient was. I remember one year (about 5th or 6th grade) my cousin coming to up to me and asking me what Grandma had given me for Christmas. I think I had gotten some clothes and toys and even some money. I asked my cousin what she had gotten. Footed pajamas. She was less than thrilled.
I once asked about this, because it really upset me that, even though technically I was on the winning side of this argument, my cousins weren't treated the same as I or my brother. I was told "Grandpa doesn't have as much money as Grandma." I never understood this statement. And I guess I always kind of held it against her.
After my grandmother passed, I did some pretty heavy reflection. I realized that, despite the inequality, my grandmother was actually a very loving, giving person. I also realized that when I had gone to my grandmother's house for holidays, we were always there, but my cousins weren't. And a lot of the time, my grandmother and grandfather were a bit upset about the fact that they weren't there. It wasn't, however, until relatively recently that I realized just how wrong I was about my grandmother.
My mother had found some old photos. She was looking at them and showing them to me and she recalled a story I had never, in all my 36 years, heard. She told me how, when my grandfather had passed away, my grandmother didn't leave the house for a full year. Which was strange, since my grandmother had been a very social person until my grandfather passed. Eventually, however, my mother convinced my grandmother to start leaving the house, at least a little bit, and realize there was still life left to live without my grandfather.
So my grandmother began going to a local bar which was tended by a woman who, apparently, had fancied herself to be a bit of a matchmaker. The woman asked my grandmother about herself and eventually told my grandmother she had a gentleman she'd like my grandmother to meet. This gentleman ended up being the man I knew to be Grandpa. My grandmother agreed to meet with him and after a couple of dates, introduced him to my mother. The next day, apparently, my grandmother had excitedly called my mother to see what she thought of this new beau.
My mother told my grandmother she thought he was very nice. My grandmother then said, "He wants to marry me." My mother, being the young know-it-all that all 20-somethings are, told my grandmother, "Ma, you're in your 40's. What are you waiting for?" So they were married within a few months of meeting each other. They were married for 30-some years when my grandmother passed away.
As my mother was telling me this, she said, "You know, your Grandpa was a lonely man before he met Ma. He had lost his wife. And his kids never visited. He just wanted someone to live his life with. And he found it in Ma." In that moment, I finally understood why my grandmother made such a distinction between my Grandpa's kids and grandchildren and my mother and our family. And I felt like such shit for being as angry with my grandmother as I had been most of my life and sad that she was no longer around to apologize to.
At this point, you're probably wondering.... What the HECK does all of that have to do with a kiwi? Nothing.
THE KIWI:
I was a teenager, probably about 16, 17, maybe even 18. Every time we went to visit my Grandma's house, she was always getting up, asking if we wanted something to drink, eat, eat or eat. One day, she was being particularly obnoxious, and wouldn't let up. The conversation went something like this:
Grandma: Do you want something to drink?
Me: No.
Grandma: How about something to eat?
Me: No. I'm not hungry, Grandma.
Grandma: Are you sure? I've got lots of stuff.
Me: I'm fine, Grandma. Thanks.
Grandma: Are you sure I can't get you ANYTHING? What do you want? Whatever you want, I'll bet I've got it. Go ahead. Name anything.
I thought about this for a moment, trying to think of something she couldn't, wouldn't, POSSIBLY have.
Me: A kiwi.
Grandma: I've got one of those!!!!
She went in her refrigerator and sure as shit, she had a kiwi. Just one. On a plate. Fresh as can be. It was like freaking magic.
My grandmother looked at me and said, "I don't even know why I have this. I've never tried kiwi before. What does it taste like?"
Dumbfounded, I looked at my grandmother and said, "I have no idea. I've never had one either. I was kidding."
I then spent the next 1/2 hour explaining to my grandmother that I didn't, in fact, actually want a kiwi. That I never in a million years had expected her to have a kiwi. And no, I really didn't want the freaking kiwi.
I've always wondered what happened to the kiwi.....
And you know what else? I've still never eaten kiwi. I don't think my grandmother ever did either.
Tonight my mother told me my grandfather died 42 years ago. On December 10th. She went on about how he would have loved us kids. I don't know.... I think my grandmother did enough loving for them both. And my Grandpa, he wasn't too shabby himself.
I was very lucky. I have a wonderful family. Even if I didn't realize it at the time. The point is this..... a) Don't hold a grudge about something you don't understand; b) Tell your family you love them even if you don't think you mean it at the time; and c) Never... ever... ask for a kiwi if you don't really want one.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
Diet Window not available in wintertime
You know, I'm so completely and utterly politically correct, that I would never call someone a "Window Licker"..... to their face.
Ex-Roommie reminded me of a story from a few months back, thought I'd share:
It was shortly after my neck surgery and ex-roommie was driving me somewhere. I was all hopped up on pain pills and making my usual snarky commentary. When I went to pretend to lick the windows, I realized there was something wrong.... The window was rolled down. Without missing a beat, I looked at ex-roommie and said, "Tastes different. Must be diet window."
This story was brought back to mind by another story.....
Went to my brother's house this past weekend to celebrate the nephew's birthday. SIL was going on about how she got one of those blow-up Frosty The Snowman's for the the front yard for her birthday. So naturally, I said, "As long as it doesn't end up like the one I pass every day on my way to work. I THINK it's supposed to be a football player in a Packer uniform, but it's a bit wilted and the way it's bent over and flopping around, now it just looks like a mentally deficient person having a head-butting fight with the ground and losing." Nobody laughed. My SIL's family doesn't have my sense of humor.
Ex-Roommie reminded me of a story from a few months back, thought I'd share:
It was shortly after my neck surgery and ex-roommie was driving me somewhere. I was all hopped up on pain pills and making my usual snarky commentary. When I went to pretend to lick the windows, I realized there was something wrong.... The window was rolled down. Without missing a beat, I looked at ex-roommie and said, "Tastes different. Must be diet window."
This story was brought back to mind by another story.....
Went to my brother's house this past weekend to celebrate the nephew's birthday. SIL was going on about how she got one of those blow-up Frosty The Snowman's for the the front yard for her birthday. So naturally, I said, "As long as it doesn't end up like the one I pass every day on my way to work. I THINK it's supposed to be a football player in a Packer uniform, but it's a bit wilted and the way it's bent over and flopping around, now it just looks like a mentally deficient person having a head-butting fight with the ground and losing." Nobody laughed. My SIL's family doesn't have my sense of humor.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
That's right, y'all. If any of you pay attention, you'll notice that I've updated my profile blip. Recent medical issues and the upcoming impending doom, I mean marriage, have caused financial issues which led to the fiance and I moving in with his sister and uncle.
Fortunately, the house is big. Unfortunately, that meant moving two complete apartments into .... a bedroom.
Ah well. Seems to be working out so far.
Only bad bit was Mr. and Mrs. Landlord decided to oust roommie. Which makes Ray a sad gal. But roommie managed to find something else right away and still stops by on a regular basis, so it's all good. (or as good as can be, anyway)
So it'll be a bit while I situate myself, but I'm hoping to be on more often as the wedding nears. Lots of fun, joy and rapture. Wish me luck!
Fortunately, the house is big. Unfortunately, that meant moving two complete apartments into .... a bedroom.
Ah well. Seems to be working out so far.
Only bad bit was Mr. and Mrs. Landlord decided to oust roommie. Which makes Ray a sad gal. But roommie managed to find something else right away and still stops by on a regular basis, so it's all good. (or as good as can be, anyway)
So it'll be a bit while I situate myself, but I'm hoping to be on more often as the wedding nears. Lots of fun, joy and rapture. Wish me luck!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Insurance Companies Suck
Okay, so in one of my more recent posts, I gave all y'all the update on my surgery and told you I'd be following up with Dr. Feelgood mid-July. Well, since it's August, you can bet your sweet bippy I've seen the doc. I'm not back to work yet, but am scheduled to do so next Monday. Why the delay, you ask?
Well, when I saw the doc, I hadn't driven in a few months (when I need to drive over an hour each way to work), couldn't fully turn my head and was still having difficulties sleeping resulting in dizziness, disorientation, concentration issues and essentially total memory failure. To this, my doctor stated although there was no "bio-mechanical" reason for me not to work (aka the surgery worked and the fusion was healing on schedule), he gave me another 3 1/2 weeks off of work to get me back used to driving, allow me to work on being able to turn my head and try to get some sleep with the new sleeping pills he described.
So I jumped through all the hoops, made more phone calls than I feel I should have had to to get the insurance company what they needed, and what do I get? 2 1/2 weeks AFTER my appointment, I get a call telling me my extension was denied. Meaning no pay (that's $0 folks) for 3 1/2 weeks and the possibility I wouldn't have a job to go back to.
Hysterics ensued. I made a few phone calls (Smiley, Mom, HR...) and managed to calm down. Mom agrees to help. HR says my job's not in jeopardy. HR gives me info to appeal the decision.
That was last week. Two days ago, I receive an email from HR stating that as of the date of my appointment (two and a half weeks ago, mind you), I had 48 hours left of FMLA. 48 hours. Really? Nice.
Another phone call to HR informs me that although it is correct that the 48 remaining hours have technically expired, they have not been applied. To apply these hours, I need to have my doctor fill out more forms. Once HR has these forms, they'll apply the 48 hours and then tell my boss to post my position. So TECHNICALLY, my job's not in jeopardy. Yet. Until they get the forms back. And HR would need to have filled my position before I go back to work on Monday for it to actually be in jeopardy.
Does this make any sense to ANYONE? How is this encouraging me to get this paperwork back in a timely manner? And, for that matter, what part of I don't know where I am half the time cuz I haven't truly slept in a few months and can barely turn my head does not affect my ability to do my job? Okay, so TECHNICALLY my job description does not specifically state that it is required for me to know who or where I am. But I'm thinking the Department of the Treasury might feel otherwise. (No, I don't work for the Department of the Treasury, but what I do affects things that are monitored on a wide scale by the Department of the Treasury.)
But this has me wondering.... What positions could a person hold who didn't always know who they were or where they were (and other basic knowledge items along the same lines)? Stamp Licker? Professional Area Rug? Silly Putty Tester? Oh! I know! Short Term Disability Case Manager! This explains a lot....
Well, when I saw the doc, I hadn't driven in a few months (when I need to drive over an hour each way to work), couldn't fully turn my head and was still having difficulties sleeping resulting in dizziness, disorientation, concentration issues and essentially total memory failure. To this, my doctor stated although there was no "bio-mechanical" reason for me not to work (aka the surgery worked and the fusion was healing on schedule), he gave me another 3 1/2 weeks off of work to get me back used to driving, allow me to work on being able to turn my head and try to get some sleep with the new sleeping pills he described.
So I jumped through all the hoops, made more phone calls than I feel I should have had to to get the insurance company what they needed, and what do I get? 2 1/2 weeks AFTER my appointment, I get a call telling me my extension was denied. Meaning no pay (that's $0 folks) for 3 1/2 weeks and the possibility I wouldn't have a job to go back to.
Hysterics ensued. I made a few phone calls (Smiley, Mom, HR...) and managed to calm down. Mom agrees to help. HR says my job's not in jeopardy. HR gives me info to appeal the decision.
That was last week. Two days ago, I receive an email from HR stating that as of the date of my appointment (two and a half weeks ago, mind you), I had 48 hours left of FMLA. 48 hours. Really? Nice.
Another phone call to HR informs me that although it is correct that the 48 remaining hours have technically expired, they have not been applied. To apply these hours, I need to have my doctor fill out more forms. Once HR has these forms, they'll apply the 48 hours and then tell my boss to post my position. So TECHNICALLY, my job's not in jeopardy. Yet. Until they get the forms back. And HR would need to have filled my position before I go back to work on Monday for it to actually be in jeopardy.
Does this make any sense to ANYONE? How is this encouraging me to get this paperwork back in a timely manner? And, for that matter, what part of I don't know where I am half the time cuz I haven't truly slept in a few months and can barely turn my head does not affect my ability to do my job? Okay, so TECHNICALLY my job description does not specifically state that it is required for me to know who or where I am. But I'm thinking the Department of the Treasury might feel otherwise. (No, I don't work for the Department of the Treasury, but what I do affects things that are monitored on a wide scale by the Department of the Treasury.)
But this has me wondering.... What positions could a person hold who didn't always know who they were or where they were (and other basic knowledge items along the same lines)? Stamp Licker? Professional Area Rug? Silly Putty Tester? Oh! I know! Short Term Disability Case Manager! This explains a lot....
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Tweet Tweet
Hey y'all.... For some strange reason, I've decided to open a Twitter account. Feel free to follow me on Twitter, if you feel like it. Can't guarantee I'll post a lot, but since I can do so from my phone.... well, I'm not really without my phone most of the time. :P
Follow @RayannaDeerfox
Follow @RayannaDeerfox
Monday, June 27, 2011
Post Surgery
Just realized that I haven't posted to my blog since the day before my surgery. Figured I should give everyone an update.
The surgery went well, and it seems they only had to fuse two of the vertebrae in my neck (doc was thinking he might have to fuse three). From the time I can remember being conscious after the surgery, the pain in my arm has been gone. Would I do it again? Heck yah.
Stayed in the hospital overnight. Left the next morning. Found out hospital jello at 2 am rocks. Invented a new name for myself. Hospital staff was very friendly and surprisingly helpful.
Okay.... new name.... I'll expand. Every time the nurse/staff came in to do something (put in IV, give me meds, take me to the bathroom, etc....), they had to ask me to verify my name and date of birth. I got tired of this before they even had the IV in. So when the gal came in to start my IV and asked me to verify my name as she was walking through the door, I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Bob." My mother started laughing, and thankfully, so did the gal. Who then proceeded to put in the IV. Funny, she never asked me to verify my real name and date of birth. As she put in the IV, I decided I needed a last name to go with my new first name. I decided my last name should be Notmyname. So my new fake name is Bob Notmyname. I find it amusing.
So anyway, was discharged from the hospital June 3rd and went home to Smiley. Made plans to stay with Mom the next week so I could actually relax and rest. Smiley took me up to Mom's Sunday night. I was kinda nervous about this initially since for the most part, I can only take my family in small doses and here I was willingly subjecting myself to my mother for almost a week.
But I was pleasantly surprised. I had a really good time spending those days with my mother. I got to rest like I needed to, and Mom and I took care of each other as best we could. I also got to visit with family friends who I hadn't seen in a few years who came to visit while I was there. The only problem I had was trying to sleep.
I tried everything. I slept in a recliner. I slept with the collar on. I slept with the collar off. I slept in the bed (which was weird, cuz I slept in my father's bed.... and it was coming up on the one year anniversary of his death). The bed is one of those adjustable beds, and I swear I tried every setting on that bed to try to sleep. My poor mother was so patient and didn't complain. I finally called my doctor who prescribed me Valium to try to help me sleep. The Valium worked the first day (which I slept for almost 24 hrs straight), but hasn't really helped since. :(
But when it came down to it, I almost didn't want to go home. As much as I missed Smiley, Jen, Ebony, Harley, Loki and Shoe.... It was nice not having to worry about feeding the animals, has the dog had her medicine, will I find peace and quiet to sleep when I am actually able to, and all the other inconveniences of daily life.
Since I've been home, there's been daily progress. But unfortunately, I still can't go a full day without pain medicine. I'm down to two a day, but that's still more than I'd like (aka 0). I can turn my head (not all the way, and definitely not quickly), bumps in the road while in a car aren't hurting as bad, and I can go most days without the collar (although I still sleep with the collar to make sure I don't wrench my neck while sleeping).
I'm scheduled to meet with the doctor mid-July to see my progress. At this point, if I had to see the doctor tomorrow, I wouldn't say I'm ready to go back to work. But I'm hoping within the next two weeks or so, I'll see more progress and will be okay'd to return to work. But I'm not rushing myself. Despite the fact that it was labeled as "outpatient surgery", it's still major surgery, still a spine fusion, and I'm not going to take a light attitude and push myself too fast, cuz that won't help me.
Thank you to everyone who wished me well and has kept me in their thoughts. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal self soon. But I gotta say, Ray on narcotics can be fun.... :P
Will update again soon!
The surgery went well, and it seems they only had to fuse two of the vertebrae in my neck (doc was thinking he might have to fuse three). From the time I can remember being conscious after the surgery, the pain in my arm has been gone. Would I do it again? Heck yah.
Stayed in the hospital overnight. Left the next morning. Found out hospital jello at 2 am rocks. Invented a new name for myself. Hospital staff was very friendly and surprisingly helpful.
Okay.... new name.... I'll expand. Every time the nurse/staff came in to do something (put in IV, give me meds, take me to the bathroom, etc....), they had to ask me to verify my name and date of birth. I got tired of this before they even had the IV in. So when the gal came in to start my IV and asked me to verify my name as she was walking through the door, I looked her straight in the eye and said, "Bob." My mother started laughing, and thankfully, so did the gal. Who then proceeded to put in the IV. Funny, she never asked me to verify my real name and date of birth. As she put in the IV, I decided I needed a last name to go with my new first name. I decided my last name should be Notmyname. So my new fake name is Bob Notmyname. I find it amusing.
So anyway, was discharged from the hospital June 3rd and went home to Smiley. Made plans to stay with Mom the next week so I could actually relax and rest. Smiley took me up to Mom's Sunday night. I was kinda nervous about this initially since for the most part, I can only take my family in small doses and here I was willingly subjecting myself to my mother for almost a week.
But I was pleasantly surprised. I had a really good time spending those days with my mother. I got to rest like I needed to, and Mom and I took care of each other as best we could. I also got to visit with family friends who I hadn't seen in a few years who came to visit while I was there. The only problem I had was trying to sleep.
I tried everything. I slept in a recliner. I slept with the collar on. I slept with the collar off. I slept in the bed (which was weird, cuz I slept in my father's bed.... and it was coming up on the one year anniversary of his death). The bed is one of those adjustable beds, and I swear I tried every setting on that bed to try to sleep. My poor mother was so patient and didn't complain. I finally called my doctor who prescribed me Valium to try to help me sleep. The Valium worked the first day (which I slept for almost 24 hrs straight), but hasn't really helped since. :(
But when it came down to it, I almost didn't want to go home. As much as I missed Smiley, Jen, Ebony, Harley, Loki and Shoe.... It was nice not having to worry about feeding the animals, has the dog had her medicine, will I find peace and quiet to sleep when I am actually able to, and all the other inconveniences of daily life.
Since I've been home, there's been daily progress. But unfortunately, I still can't go a full day without pain medicine. I'm down to two a day, but that's still more than I'd like (aka 0). I can turn my head (not all the way, and definitely not quickly), bumps in the road while in a car aren't hurting as bad, and I can go most days without the collar (although I still sleep with the collar to make sure I don't wrench my neck while sleeping).
I'm scheduled to meet with the doctor mid-July to see my progress. At this point, if I had to see the doctor tomorrow, I wouldn't say I'm ready to go back to work. But I'm hoping within the next two weeks or so, I'll see more progress and will be okay'd to return to work. But I'm not rushing myself. Despite the fact that it was labeled as "outpatient surgery", it's still major surgery, still a spine fusion, and I'm not going to take a light attitude and push myself too fast, cuz that won't help me.
Thank you to everyone who wished me well and has kept me in their thoughts. Hopefully, I'll be back to my normal self soon. But I gotta say, Ray on narcotics can be fun.... :P
Will update again soon!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Under the Knife
Well, tomorrow morning I go under the knife again. And I'm starting to freak out. For the second time in my life, the words "spine" and "surgery" have appeared in the same sentence.
They tell me this surgery will be better than the other, but that doesn't make me feel much better. At least the drugs should be good.
Top Ten Reasons to Look Forward to Spine Surgery:
10. People don't look at you as funny when you park in a handicap stall while wearing appliances.
9. No working for at least another six weeks.
8. Quality time with my family.
7. Popping pills at dinnertime is suddenly socially acceptable.
6. I think I'll look really cool in a collar.
5. No one will yell at me for going out in public in sweatpants.
4. Pain medication may make daytime TV entertaining.
3. Two words: hospital food.
2. People don't make you feel bad for sleeping all day.
and the # 1 reason to look forward to spine surgery...
1. Someone may be able to convince my fiance to buy me flowers.
Okay, well.... I guess I feel better now....
Wish me luck, all!
They tell me this surgery will be better than the other, but that doesn't make me feel much better. At least the drugs should be good.
Top Ten Reasons to Look Forward to Spine Surgery:
10. People don't look at you as funny when you park in a handicap stall while wearing appliances.
9. No working for at least another six weeks.
8. Quality time with my family.
7. Popping pills at dinnertime is suddenly socially acceptable.
6. I think I'll look really cool in a collar.
5. No one will yell at me for going out in public in sweatpants.
4. Pain medication may make daytime TV entertaining.
3. Two words: hospital food.
2. People don't make you feel bad for sleeping all day.
and the # 1 reason to look forward to spine surgery...
1. Someone may be able to convince my fiance to buy me flowers.
Okay, well.... I guess I feel better now....
Wish me luck, all!
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